Return of the Rant-O-Wheel

Second Stories Presents: The End of the World

The end is near. Best be prepared.

Next Week

Next week is a big one. For example:


Or, you know:

Never Shoot Heroin with a Guy Named Bones, and Other Important Lessons

For the month and a half I worked as an advertising copywriter, I was discouraged from using the term “unqualified success” in press releases because my employers were convinced that people would think it sounded negative. I am convinced that they just didn’t know the definition.

For instance, Revenge of the Rant-O-Wheel on Tuesday night was an unqualified success. The show started almost on time (a first!), the room was packed, and all of the stories were hilarious.

The evening began with an important informational slideshow by Dr. Steven A. Manheart on the History of the Rant-O-Wheel, from its origins with the Native American tribes of California, the wheel’s rise and fall from grace in Belgium at the behest of Philip II of Spain, the rediscovery of the wheel by The Vampire of Sacramento, Richard Trenton Chase in 1976, all the way up to present day Philadelphia.

Plied with the promise of free Halloween temporary tattoos, audience members and ringers alike joined in the storytelling melee. Meg Favreau took first place with her tale of “The Red Hamper” which is a euphemism for a sexual act to which I, as a vegetarian, am personally opposed. In second place was our first audience volunteer, Larry from Worcester, with a story about Doug the Racist Dolphin’s demise. Tied for third place were Pat Kelly’s story – notable for a creative use of “Daryl Hall”, and Micah Bedrosian’s story about getting his first tattoo. The unsung hero of the night was PJI’s Alexis Simpson, Rant-O-Wheel professional, who makes it look so easy that it’s embarrassing for the rest of us.

After a minor drug freakout, a Canadian’s take on 9/11, and a few embarrassing celebrity mentions, Doctor Manheart and I performed the first-ever tag-team rant. Turns out, he’s my half-brother. It’ll go down in history as the best Rant-O-Wheel show until the next one.

Second Stories

I'm Your Biggest Fan

All I Ever Wanted

I've spent my summer so far a dull self-promotion machine, wrapped up mostly in writing and performing in and being disappointed and ecstatic over shows. The one tomorrow is going to be excellent.

It's been a summer of Scotch and Sodas, sometimes too many, enough to make me the kind of clear, businessman drunk that only fictional ad executives and movie accountants (who have just discovered something terrible about their own futures, that will allow them to finally live life to the fullest) get. The kind of drunk that makes a visit to a children's museum difficult the next day.

I've been reading John O'Hara's very short stories. They put contemporary flash fiction* so much to shame that I shouldn't even talk about it. John O'Hara is an important lesson about being nice, because his reviews were based more upon how unlikable he was than how good he was at writing. He was also notable for his drinking, like Faulkner was, except that Pottsville boy lacked a certain Mississippi charm.

What I mean to say is, I'm going on vacation. My first as an adult. One that will allow me to drink cheap Scotch on Faulkner's grave, visit my childhood ghosts, and see the world's smallest city block. I'm headed South. After Second Stories, that is.


*It's fair to say that I'm wary of flash fiction. Almost as much as I am prose poetry, which I feel is the lowest form of either genre.

Enter the Rant-O-Wheel Daredevil Storytelling Competition!

Stepdads

(poster by Jeremy Eric Tenenbaum)

Feverish

On Tuesday, I was so taken by fever that I forgot to introduce my bit on Doctor Who monsters properly. The audience just assumed that I had made up a series of strange creatures that I thought might attack earth. The part about building underground cities in strategic locations was intentional, though.

Terrible Ideas I've Had Today

1. Making a mix cd utilizing every single cover version of "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" available.

2. Getting my hair cut like David Cassidy's.

3. Trying to hang up posters without bringing any tape.

Oh! The Horror!